Fresh Starts, Every Day

Today we say farewell to another year. And we welcome a new year tomorrow. Often, we look at the beginning of a new year as a chance to start over, make resolutions that we intend to carry through that whole year. A new year, new you and all that jazz. Right? Well, when you parent a child who comes from a long history of trauma, you start over more than once a year. Often, on a daily basis. Resolutions, promises, are made by both the child and parent. “Mommy, I won’t do that again (insert child’s behavior here; hitting, kicking, yelling, etc), I promise.” The parent promises the child they will not respond by yelling when they engage in such behavior. The parent promises themselves that they will be more alert. Next time, they will catch that this behavior is coming from a place of trauma, before it is too late. Next time, they will not become so frustrated, so annoyed at the events leading up to the behavior. Next time the parent promises themselves they will not act with emotion, but instead be rational in their response. Next time, they won’t let the guilt override their minds after all is said and done. Next time. And the next day is a fresh start. A new day. A new year, if you will. The parent attempts to leave the guilt of yesterday in the past, all while reminding their child, “it’s ok, I still love you.” It’s a new beginning. We start over, not because we feel as parents we have failed the day before. But because we know that trauma has won once again. It’s not a discipline problem and it’s not something that can be addressed once and everything is right in the world again. It’s an ongoing process to help your child see that these behaviors are no longer needed in order to get their needs met. It’s a new beginning each day for them. One that they deserve, so they have the opportunity to see how much they are loved and how safe they are. So, remember, in this new year that is approaching (and fast) that you and your child can have a new beginning each day. Resolutions can be made more than once a year. We owe it to ourselves to allow new beginnings more than once a year. Our kids need them. Happy New Year. Make it a good one, full of fresh starts.