Progress

I have shared before that Heart Baby uses some extreme ways to communicate. She is also very impulsive and will make choices that have long term effects and consequences without thinking it through. Well, she made such a choice in December. She chose to move out of the group home she was living in. She gave her notice as was required and then the search was on to find another place that would accept her. Due to the challenges in supporting her, choices were very limited. But one (only one) option was identified. It was another group home. Two hours away from me. This proved to be hard for this momma. However, at first, Heart baby was good with moving this far away. As she felt that I, as her mom, had too much control over her life and wasn’t letting her do the things she wanted (In other words, she didn’t like the ways I was trying to keep her safe from herself). But then, as reality settled in over the first month, and finding out that visits with mom would only occur monthly, she started to see the consequences of her choice. I was definitely feeling the consequences from her choices as well. I hate her being this far away from me. Since reality has set in, she has asked several times when she can come home. This breaks my heart every time. I hate having to remind her “we’ve already talked about this.” I hate it when she breaks down and cries over this subject (however, it’s good she is showing her emotions in this way). I hate feeling guilty and like the worst mom ever because I can not say “yes, you can come home. I will come get you right now.” However, I have also maintained a sense of hope. Hope that this new group home will be good for her. That her mental health needs will be met effectively, that progress will occur. It better be worth it for her to be this far away from me. I needed to have hope. It’s only been a short few months but having hope and continued prayers for my sweet girl have showed some positive signs with mental health! Tonight, she presented a concern to me. In the past, this conversation would not have gone so well. It would have been very argumentative, with me having to repeat the same phrases and reminding her “we are going around in circles with this conversation.” But tonight, tonight was totally different. And I am so excited. She was able to present her concern in a very mature, thought out way. She was also able to give me valid reasons that support this concern. In the past, reasons would have included “because I don’t want it, I don’t like it” etc. She also listened to my concerns and suggestions without argument!!! This is so huge for her. Things usually turn into an argument with heart baby. But tonight, it didn’t! I was so proud of her. The concern, however important to her, is not important to mention here. What is important is that the way she handled the conversation shows progress. She has made so much progress in just the few months she has been at this group home. Even though I hate the situation and that she is two hours away from me, tonight I am proud of my heart baby. I am proud of the progress she has made with using words to effectively communicate. It has been a long road to get her to this point. And I will continue to have hope in her.